Holdays

(Written July 2009)

When I think of the word Holiday, many things come to mind. Certainly I am reminded of my younger days when time seemed to last longer... and music also comes to mind in a big way. The Madonna song ‘Holiday’ is there foremost, which is very apt I suppose... other songs include ‘Paradise City’ by Guns ‘n Roses and ‘Summer Nights’ by Van Halen (not the one from the Grease soundtrack!) - these songs evoke strong feelings of Summer in me...

When I think of Holiday, I think of summer, like most people do, I expect.

The school summer holidays - six weeks which back then seemed like six months... I think of ice cream vans, wearing nothing but shorts and getting a tan. I remember riding my bike in the hot weather as a kid, and I remember the paddling pool we used to have, in which my sister and I had lots of fun in the hot weather. Going to the park with my family and playing football and tennis, and having picnics...

In more recent times when I think of Summer I think of long hot days, light evenings, early mornings, the lawn dying in the heat-wave and my relief at not having to cut it for a while! Our poor pet rabbit killed by the heat in 2003, on the hottest day since records began. Poor little thing. I think of my discomfort in the sticky heat, and being unable to sleep at night... Ants and bees, butterflies and wasps... and flowers in bloom. Hayfever. Oh dear...

But perhaps oddly, when I think of the word Holiday, I do not think of taking a holiday, ie, going away somewhere. Perhaps this is because one could count the number of such holidays I have had in my entire life on just the one hand. I have had two holidays as a boy, and three as an adult, the last one being about six years ago now. It is not something I have done much in my life, so it is not something I automatically think of. It is something that other people do. A holiday to me is a bit of a luxury, and I have never been able to afford luxuries...

Yes, I readily admit it, a holiday is a sore point with me. It is something that everyone else seems to have in common; an ice-breaker, as such, which can be talked about at length. Holiday talk always makes me feel left out, or lacking in some way. Less of a person. Holiday talk makes me frustrated and annoyed, eventually it makes me depressed.

That is not to say that I do not want a proper holiday. I want to go to the countryside, as sea-sides and beaches are not my thing. I want to see the Lake District, or go back to Northumberland where my Dad comes from, or look up distant relatives in Northern Ireland. I would love to go to Germany and practise my language skills there, and meet my pen-pals. I would love to see so many different places in the world, special, significant, historical places...

Most of all, from a holiday, I would want what everyone else wants - a break from the norm. Just to get far away from everything in my normal life and routine...

But it is all beyond me at this time in my life, and so it makes me sad to think about...

Holiday... maybe one day...