Hello! What a dull day, all cloudy and a bit rainy and miserable-like... This could affect my mood negatively I am in no doubt of that. But I am countering it with good music and coffee. But coffee has had enough publicity from me in that last installment so we won't dwell on that! Days like today are a downer, but sometimes I would rather have a day like this than a baking hot Summer day. For one thing it is more comfortable temperature-wise, and also there is less chance that the neighbours next door will have yet another one of their garden parties, potentially going on from early afternoon till 10 or 11pm... Whilst I hate to feel that way, surely they are allowed their fun (?), I cannot help resent it at the same time because of how much of an intrusion their noise feels. Loud bassy music, kids screaming, loud abrasive drunken men's deep voices... I will write about misophonia some more another time, stay tuned. But miso aside, they are too close, too in our faces (in our living room with us, feels like!) Wish things were different. Mostly I catch myself wishing I was a different person - more thick-skinned, less sensitive, less introvert, (ha, less neurotic!)--- but the me I am is all I know who to be...
Which brings me onto this. First destined to be a Facebook post, but I decided not to in the end for fear of negative reactions. It goes like this:
Commenting on a variety of subjects in a variety of places is something I've always enjoyed doing online, since the late '90s. My comments are usually well received, however, you always encounter the occasional person who take it all the wrong way, or is just an obnoxious troll type looking for trouble. One of my favourite places to comment over the past 2 or 3 years has been The Guardian website, people there seem generally on my wavelength. However, after recently giving my considered point of view and then being told I have a moral superiority complex and 'there's no cure for my stupid' I will take a little break from that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and know no other way, not my fault if people read my comments all wrong (but I am of course deeply affected by it) - I may be naive at time and have other issues (don't we all?) but I'd like to think I am not incurably stupid... :/
I am sure, over time - probably 2 or 3 days - the unsettled feeling will pass and all will be well again. It's not the first time this has happened. I can only think that perhaps my comments struck a nerve with the person who replied and he decided it was his place to put me down (read: ego defence mechanism and a half!) Why do people just feel the need to do that? Am I a freak of nature / society because I do not? I might think along those lines sometimes, but I do not openly go and insult strangers - I show respect. Because that is how I'd like to be treat back in return by others.Yes, the old saying - wearing one's heart on one's sleeve will get it bruised easily is extremely true. And I know it could've been a lot worse - being called stupid is nothing compared to what I could've been called. But in a way it's worse than being sworn at. For me it is, any way...
So turns out I've got pride, oh surprise, that can get hurt. I care what others think of me. Particularly about my words, because I am (mostly) very proud of my words, my mastery of language, articulation - it is and always has been like an art form to me. Which is why I get so flippin' irked by spelling mistakes, bad grammar and text speech (oh yeah, and NEEDLESS BLOCK CAPS!!) Exclamation marks are okay though, they're a friend I've used many times to illustrate. Perhaps more than 6 can get a bit jarring though. :) Yeah, it's as I said in my original Guardian comment... we don't have control over a lot of things in the world, in our lives, so those times and things that we are in control of are precious. Reading my words wrong and then calling my stupid because of your own interpretation is hurtful and inconsiderate.
Why am I wasting time writing about this? Perhaps I am attempting to hasten its departure from my mind. My own ego-defence mechanism. Chase it away with more well chosen words. Who is the more incurably stupid? The one who clumbsily brandishes language and words like a club in an attempt to score a cheap blow, or the one who sits and analyses what has happened..? No but stupid is probably the wrong word though, this is not a measure of stupidity vs intelligence - it is about etiquette and manners and consideration.
And for better or worse I have that in spades, like a damn lodestone round the neck.
Tschüß!
No comments:
Post a Comment