Hello, I'd forgotten all about this. I was reading an article about the top 10 best blog sites, and then thought, hmmm, that would be sort of cool to do again... And then remembered this one I started oh so many years ago (well, 4 or 5 years ago) So rather than start up something new - new username, password, strain on the brain trying to remember, what the heck? Here we are and here we go...
Coffee is something I really love, but which I drink less of nowadays. The inherited dodgy digestive system is mostly to blame, so here I sit with a quite lovely cherry & cinnamon herbal tea, though still with a couple of biscuits. Normal tea, I do not do. I think I was given it too much when I was a kid, and I especially have memories of playing D&D round a certain friend's house whose Mum (bless her) kept us supplied with copious amounts of overly sweet tea - I mean I never really liked it any way, but that really killed it off for me. And being a guest round someone else's home one has to drink it (and inwardly gag!) So coffee, I have had a long, long love affair with, till the IBS and other weird probably digestive-related nonsense began including hot flushes and bloated feelings if I drink it too late in the afternoon. 4:30 pm really is the upper limit, but on some days, it is much much earlier. Gradually, slowly trying to do my best to listen to the signs my body is giving me.
But it's often hard to deny oneself such a lovely, simple treat. Even more difficult are other things such as chocolate and cheese. Often times when the Nothing rules my days and my mind struggles to pop it's frontal lobe up above the dark waters of despair it's the coffee, the chocolate, the cola, the occasional pizza, that provides the little float (those little blue ones they give you at the swimming pool when you're first learning to swim... you know...) So we have the balancing act and the bargaining and the will power (ha ha) Before you all think the worst, I eat healthy stuff too! Partial to a nice salad :) So in a way it's like the body is saying, lessen this stuff, I've changed - getting older, not able to handle it as well any more, but the mind with all it's complexity tries to overrule, still wants the buzz from the taste buds, the caffeine, the endorphin release.
A brain is a terribly complex thing for a person to be put in charge of. Coffee. Nope, herbal tea - enjoy... Even that's flippin' repeating on me a bit. (BTW much more on brains some other time I'm sure!)
The funny digestive system comes down from my Mum's side of the family - as far back as I can remember Mum, and my dear Nan (RIP), complained about all the things they couldn't eat. For me it started in my mid-late teens with cucumbers. As a boy I loved soft cheese spread and cucumber sandwiches! I could not get enough of the things. But some time around maybe 15 or 16 years of age the cucumbers launched their counter attack against me. It was a really good counter attack. :( Sad smiley face indeed...
And from there... in my 20s it was green peppers, in my 30s it was certain types of lettuce and tomatoes and other things followed, not just salad veg either - all sorts of stuff. White bread. Spicy stuff. Much prepacked food. Yeah, that's not great for me any way, but still... I'd like the option. And the latest thing - damn you! Salt & Vinegar flavoured crisps. There is no God. And can no longer eat chocolate after about 4 or 5pm without my insides going all bubbly and weird feeling. Er-huh...
All this is compounded by the recent news my doctor gave me that I may have a hiatus hernia, which sounds a lot worse than it is. It's a pretty common thing where the top of stomach is pinched by the diaphragm. I have had all sorts of tests and scans after complaining of increasing chest pains and discomfort. My initial fears allayed (of course it's not your heart, it's your damn dodgy digestive system again!) but still I feel dismay that this is (more than likely) yet another weight related issue. I'm not going to kid myself or you, whoever you are (hello!) I am very concerned about my health, my life, due to being obese for so many years. And relatively inactive too. I try to walk places still, but I bus more than I used to (largely thanks to Mandy's bus pass and the need to accompany her as her carer, that's some other story...) but I could, and should, try to do more. The pain though. Doctor told me, at age 43 (me not her) that my hips are "starting to go" - the pain in and around my hips, shooting up my back and down my legs.. and the cumbersome immobility I have sometimes is really unpleasant. Can I fix it? This is the brain thing again, for depression is a cruel illness which is fed without one even trying and more often than not I lack the strength to even look at it, let alone start smacking it about with CBT and crap...
We shall see... Coffee - I look forward now till tomorrow morning when I may drink another cup, till then I will struggle on the rest of the day without it.
Yay blog.
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