Nothing Day

Today is gonna be another nothing day. I have many things to do... but I do not have any get up and go in me. I think I am living more and more for the days when I go and do my voluntary work. This is highly rewarding, and I crave the structure. However, I do not feel like I can create structure for myself. When it comes down to it, and I have a day like today when I should be doing things (decorating the new house, sorting out boxes, tidying up, gardening or writing letters to pen-pals), all I end up doing is nothing. Or maybe playing a computer game, or just listening to music. I do not have a method to make stuff happen - I simply have to be in the right mood. This might just sound like I am a lazy person - I don't think I am. I am depressed and there is a lot of stress and worry about right now... It is difficult to motivate myself. However, I know that when I have wasted days in which nothing gets done, it makes me feel bad - worse - about myself. So the answer then is obviously to just do something constructive. I can logically reason this all out and everything, and it makes good sense, and I am sure I will feel good about myself afterwards... but I just can't make it happen... Maybe I need to go back on antidepressants again, I dunno... I promise better, happier and varied posts in future updates.