Hi. I only just saw your post from a few days ago, about having one life to live, etc. It was both very moving and true, but also for me, shamed me because I'm not living my best life, and I'm so sorry to say, I've never really known how to, nor cared to be bothered.
I have neglected myself so much over the years... decades. A lot of issues I have with teeth, eyesight, poor health in general, obesity... it's not just life. It's me not looking after myself, and simply just not caring what happens. It's like self harm in super slo-mo.
That's a life time of living with depression and just being lost in life, despite my intelligence and potential. I struggle every day. I love my family, my lovely wife, my cats, they're what keeps me going. Seen several counsellors over the years, psychologist, therapists, tried so many treatments, end up just going round in circles...
And to think there's people far worse off than me, just makes me feel shitty and worse for feeling the way I do. I'm just numb to a lot of things because I'm too sensitive. Having my heart hardened over time by various things... Mum, my daughter, lost friendships, as is what's happened, has been so painful.
But I'm so sick of everything now. My poor body aches, my brain is fuzzy and foggy. Existence. And I feel like just telling to the world to go away. I'm glass half empty Rod, always have been.
